Community: where we can all admit our fears out loud

"Thank you for telling me about the lies you that you tell yourself. Makes me feel less crazy because there's a lot of lies I often tell myself too", so went my text message to my dear friend last week. I knew she would understand, as we are to the point where we can really say how we feel about life. And...more importantly....offer truth to combat each other's inner voices of doubt and lies.

Community is a word that gets tossed around and can take on very different looks. Community means "a group of people living in the same place or having a particular characteristic in common" or "a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals" according to Google dictionary.  It can refer to the area you live in, an academic community, spiritual community, or friend group.

Lately, I have felt exhausted and a bit overwhelmed as my kiddos have taken their energy level up a notch and the baby has found the loud volume on her voice box, but she can't figure out how to turn it back down. ;-)  It is tricky to accomplish the house projects I'm trying to do while negotiating world peace between the siblings.  It has made me thankful for the community around me.

Community shares the load. This week we had our Farm Day as our book club culminating activity after reading Farmer Boy.  Thinking I needed to make a special trip to the store for potatoes for our relay race, I was pleasantly surprised to read that another mama had already picked some up. Then someone else volunteered to bring tortilla chips for my salsa to our ladies gathering that week. Feeling thankful for community, I mentally checked the store off my list and got to finish a much needed project instead.

Community shares in your "crazy".  All to often we believe the lie that we are the only crazy one. Until...we share with someone else and find out they have the same fears or struggles as us. A dear friend faithfully spends her lunch break coming to my house for lunch most weeks. I often tell her "Thanks for being part of our 'crazy'!   I feel like the dog is barking, kids crying, cat puking and I'm exhausted each time she visits. Yet, she doesn't judge my 'crazy', she merely takes a seat, entertains the baby, and we begin to chat about life. This same friend is a welcoming space for all of my crazy thoughts to land.  Why do I feel so safe sharing with her? Because she shares her story with me too. Community says "Hey, me too!" and welcomes us into the circle.

From Lisa-Jo Baker's new book The Middle Matters, she writes, "Hope hinges on the hands willing to grab on to us and pull us back out. This is the antidote to the loneliness of motherhood and the lie that we have failed. This willingness to give other mothers our true stories, especially the ones that don't always have happy endings."

Community rejects the lies you are believing.  One of the things I appreciate about my husband is his role as my sounding board. Spoken out loud, the words I've been repeating in my head don't sound as scary.  He hears the stories I've been listening to, and then helps me process if they are valid. Honestly, quite often my ideas are just "dumb" and not worth worrying about. Community speaks truth to your heart and helps you to sort out what to believe.

Community teaches each other. This week I was walking with a friend who doesn't yet have children. After I described my son's crazy morning antics, she asked me how we decide when and how to discipline.  As I described what we do (and added a disclaimer that it was a work in progress), I began thinking of the many conversations with friends, books read, podcasts listened to, and prayers answered that helped with the formation (an ongoing process) of what we do as parents. Community shares from experience and teaches what they have learned. The Out of the Ordinary podcast reminded me this week that we are "Blessed in order to be a blessing."

Community requires communication. Often when I'm at my breaking point, I hear the loving rebuke from my husband..."Why didn't you ask me to help?"  I don't like to bother him as he puts in a full load at his job, but quite simply there are not enough hours to care for the kiddos, clean the house and complete my projects. He is willing to help out but often assumes I have it taken care of unless I ask for help. Sharing the load, joining in your crazy, sorting out lies, and teaching each other all require communication and vulnerability.


Thank you for being part of my community. Thank you for reading the words that spill off this old laptop, whenever I can squeeze it into an afternoon nap time. I am thankful for you.

Sojourning together,
Felicia