Grieving the loss of a dream

We can make the best plans, pray a lot, and do our part in following through on a dream. Yet, some dreams will not happen.....or at least not in the time frame we were hoping for. Lost dreams and plans stink. Some are gone forever...and some just require a longer wait time. We don't always know why it happened, or even the deeper reason of why God didn't make it happen. But we can trust that it wasn't a surprise to Him.

January didn't happen as expected, hence my long absence here. It was an exhausting month, from which we are recuperating. Within a matter of weeks, we had a blizzard (which required hours of digging/snow blowing), my brother's wedding (which we were all involved in), and a miscarriage at 11 weeks. Needless to say, some parts of life had to be put on hold so we had time to shovel, celebrate, and mourn. 

I (as most moms) always fear miscarrying a child, as the statistics are 1 in 4 women will experience one. And I never take my lovely healthy kiddos for granted. Indeed I have much to be grateful for in this situation.....though I still mourn the loss. I feel like a new member of a sad club of people whose heart will always be missing a piece. 

(my husband's work sent us a memorial candle)

What do you do when your dream is lost? When timelines come and go that would have been filled with meaning...but now lie empty? When others continue to celebrate their dreams and you sincerely rejoice with them.....yet feel an inner ache? 

Here's some thoughts for responding to lost dreams...whatever type they may be. 

1. Let yourself grieve.  

Don't keep it pent up inside. Sometimes all I needed was to post it on Instagram for it to be acknowledged as real, and then I could move on for the day. Sometimes.....you just need to eat dark chocolate (which has some serious health benefits, by the way!) Give yourself space, and breathing room in your schedule to just 'be'. 

2. Tell people. 

We are meant to live in community, with each person supporting the other. We each have our seasons of hardship and celebration, and we need each other to pull us through the one to anticipate the other. 

3. Be thankful.

In the midst of grieving what you had hoped for, don't forget what you already have. To cling too tightly to what you can't have, is in a sense, to negate the value of what you do have. Focus on the gifts you have received. 

4. Look forward.

A loss is not the end. It hurts like a gut punch, but it is not the end. There are second chances, new opportunities, and possibilities of this dream being fulfilled at a different time. There are also ways God wants to work in and through you in this tough season. He can use this to draw you to Himself, and help you pour blessing into others. 

At the funeral for a dear elderly member of our church who had fought long and hard with cancer, I overheard her daughter sharing about her dad.  She said they 'had plans'. After he took the time to grieve and go through his wife's possessions, he wasn't going to just stay in that moment. They had travel plans and adventures to live. I was impressed with their attitude. If anyone deserves to just sit in that grief, it's a spouse who's been married for decades. But he realized that his life wasn't over, though he had lost the one most dear to him.  To keep on "living" was also a way to honor his wife's wishes and legacy. 

If you are sitting with the loss of a dream, remember to let yourself grieve. Don't ignore it. Tell someone who can provide support. Be thankful for what you have been blessed with and look forward in anticipation for how God wants to work in your life. 

Sojourning with you, 

Felicia