The Better Mom: A book review

I wasn't sure what to expect when I ordered a copy of "The Better Mom: Growing in Grace between Perfection and the Mess" by Ruth Schwenk.  The title intrigued me and I respected many of the ladies who wrote endorsements in the book. Honestly, I didn't expect to love it as much as I did. :-)

(Proof of all the pages I loved!)

This book isn't a 'how-to' manual for being a mom or tricks on how to perfect our motherhood. Rather, it deals with our hearts and points us to the One who has power to make us a "better mom".  The chapter titles were rather fitting!  They included "I miss my friends!", "No one appreciates all that I do!", "I need some alone time", and "I have no idea what I'm doing!".  I totally understand those feelings! :-) 

One of the sections I love in the book talked about what we feel we are missing out on when we focus on our kids. 

"I need the reminder, so well stated by Andy Stanley (cited in book), 'Your greatest contribution to the kingdom of God might not be something you do, but someone you raise.'  At different times and in different ways, God has reminded me of what kind of ambition matters most. Our greatest ambition is not getting the next promotion, the next sale, or another paycheck. Our greatest ambition is raising up another generation of children to live for God's glory and the good of the world. As moms, we are not just getting by. We are fulfilling God's mission and purpose by shaping kids today for the sake of the world tomorrow. ........What we are doing counts both outside the home and inside the home, but who we are becoming is just as important." ~ Ruth Schwenk

It's not just being a mom, it's about contributing to society's future by investing in it's future members. It's the calling given each of us personally by God. 

I also loved the chapter I finished yesterday called "I want to make a difference". We each have gifting/talents that it feels like we are wasting when we are busy with the mundane everyday details of life. I have many dreams including writing books or courses, that simply don't fit into my dishes, diapers and toddler season. In this chapter, Ruth emphasized that there are seasons to life. The key phrase is "not yet".  Dreams that don't fit in this season, simply are "not yet". God has missions for us to complete today...but they aren't the only missions God will give us. He has future plans for us as we move into different seasons. 

I'm thankful to Zondervan and Booklook Bloggers for letting me receive a complementary copy of "The Better Mom" for review purposes. As you can tell by my folded corners, there were many loved pages! This book will definitively go on my recommended list and in my collection to loan out to others. 

Finding a balance: appreciating the noise from within the quiet.

"There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens:...

    

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

    

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

 

    

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

    

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

 

   

a time to search and a time to give up,

    

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

 

    

a time to tear and a time to mend,

    

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

 

    

a time to love and a time to hate,

    

a time for war and a time for peace."

Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4-8 (NIV)

This last weekend, we had the blessing of spending some time away while the babies were loved on by their grandparents. The main thing I was looking for this last weekend was "quiet".  It's not that I don't appreciate the noise of toddlers, a dog, cats, and city traffic/sirens, it's just that it makes me appreciate the quiet even more. 

I like noisy toys for this reason: when I'm working in the kitchen, I know where my kids are and what they are doing. When one of the kids, or the dog, or the cats isn't here, my home feels incomplete. With all the noise, I can strangely rest. That being said, I have no interest in noisy 'things'.  My family makes enough noise, without adding dinging clocks, music/tv background noise, etc. No thank you! 

But the noise makes me appreciate the quiet, as much as the quiet makes me appreciate the noise. 

Solomon wrote that there was a 'season' for everything. The key is in appreciating the ebbs and flows and the rhythms of life, and in finding a balance. It becomes tiring to appreciate the noise, if I never have a moment of silence. And believe me, the more noise we add to our family, the more I treasure the sacred moments of silence during nap time! 

How many other things in life require balance as well? If I always spoke my mind, then those around me may become deaf to my words. But if I never spoke, then I would miss the opportunity to speak words of truth and blessing. "a time to be silent and a time to speak". 

There is a time to hold on to memories or dreams, and there's time to move on to the next step in the journey. There's time to stand up for your beliefs, and time to wait in quiet prayer. There's time to comfort others and time to rejoice with them. Time to discipline and time to act in mercy.  

The key is in knowing which time is needed...now. I'm so thankful that the Creator who balances the earth on it's axis, rotates it around the sun, makes the sun rise and set each day, and brings in each season in it's proper time (though I'll still complain when spring takes too long to arrive), knows everything I need for my own rhythm and seasons. I can trust Him to help me know when it's time to speak or be silent, to be in the noise or in the quiet, to hold on to something or to let it go. And I can trust Him to hold....me...when the season becomes too hard. 

What season are you in now, friend?

A month of celebrations: July

I wanted to write a  monthly review last week, but I was eager to send out the book review of 936 Pennies: Discovering the Joy of Intentional Parenting.

Since I finished that one, I just started The Better Mom: Growing in Grace between Perfection and the Mess. 

Funny thing, it was a rough day the first day I opened this book so it seemed very fitting that this sentence was in the first chapter: "So what if being a mom who seriously wonders how she can handle the mess that is on her plate is exactly where God wants her to be?"  Well, sounds fitting!  I'm about chapters in and have not loved it as much as 936 Pennies: Discovering the Joy of Intentional Parenting. but I definitely have earmarked some pages in it. Stay tuned for a future review. 

July started off with supper and fireworks at my brother's house for July 4th, then a quick trip with my mom and sister for my cousin's bridal shower. Both were great times of conversation with family! 

One of the big highlights of the month was our (hopefully) annual sibling reunion in a restored 100 plus year old farm house with plenty of space!  Living 7 hours away from each other hinders the amount of get-togethers we'd love to have, so we try to meet half-way to even up the driving. We love doing AirBNB's because they are so economical and spacious!  And this one provided us with a playset and trampoline for the cousins. :-) 

We had amazing sunsets with frogs croaking in the background!  I posted a video on Instagram of the frog pond. We stayed up way too late each night after the kids were in bed, trying to soak up needed conversation and board games. And most of us agreed....it was simply way too short of time. 

We try texting, calling and using Marco Polo videos, but nothing compares to living life together for the weekend, and seeing each other's parenting adventures, joy's and challenges. It's interesting to observe the similarities and differences we have, though growing up in the same family. Equally interesting is discussing our personal perceptions of our childhood, and how that affects who we are now. 

The other big highlight was my birthday which involved LOTS of food and family time.  My husband surprised me by taking the day off so we got free birthday coffee, food at Culvers, Chevy's, Slim Chickens, and Ruby Tuesday's.  Like I said.....lots of birthday food!  The best part was the time together as a family at our favorite geese pond, and time out with my husband that night. 

( a dear friend surprised me!)

Much blessings to you! Hope that your July had at least one happy adventure!

Felicia

936 Pennies: Discovering the Joy of Intentional Parenting (a book review)

When you start a new book, it's a risky relationship. I hesitantly turn the first couple pages as I decide if this is my new best friend or if I'm going to hurry through it just to mark it off my list.  Well 936 Pennies: Discovering the Joy of Intentional Parenting is my new best, best, best friend!

Look at that!  See all the dog-eared pages?  (PS. why is it called dog-eared?) There were literally tons of quotes and thoughts I wanted to remember and be able to come back to.  As I read through the pages, I got so excited about this vision of intentional parenting and really...intentional living. Parts of it I read aloud to my husband or simply gave him my summary of it.

Eryn Lynum writes 42 mini chapters revolving around a life event that showed her an eternal principle. She discusses topics such as spending time in nature, dealing with anger, having a house filled with laughter, helping kiddos learn to entertain themselves, setting boundaries between work time and play time, being mindful of what our kids observe us holding the most (our phone, a book or their hand), investing in a child's dreams/interests, building memories, and many other topics.

The premise of the book is that with each child we are (ideally) given 936 weeks from birth to age 18, and our question is: "How will we spend them?"  I say 'ideally' as time is never guaranteed to us.  Some may only have one penny or 237 with which to invest. The author was given a jar of 936 pennies at her son's dedication, which started her journey of being intentional as she transferred a penny each week from the future jar to the 'time spent' jar. 

I love her perspective at the beginning of the book. 

"As I counted them out, I placed them into the new jar, and this is when it hit me-we had not lost those weeks. We had used them We were using them for the creation of something beautiful. These pennies, and the weeks they represent, were not being cast to the wind. They were being invested. And we wanted to invest them wisely." (Counting Time, pg. 18)

I haven't been on this parenting journey very long, so I have much to learn. I'm thankful for books like this one that give me vision for how it could be. This book gives me goals and dreams for how I want to intentionally invest each one of my pennies. Things like listening carefully to my children's dreams and taking steps to help them pursue them, recognizing the beauty in the simple moments such as our "Poetry Tea Times", setting down my adult tasks or goals to enter into their world, and being careful what I communicate through actions, what's constantly in my hands, and through my words so they hear my love for them loud and clear. 

How will you invest your 936 pennies? 

I was given this book by Bethany House Publishing for review purposes as part of their blogger program. However, all of the opinions were completely mine. 

All my friends are super-heros: or the importance of living in community.

What if I told you I was friends with super-heros in real life?  They can't shoot webs out of their fingers, nor do they wear red capes or battle aliens trying to take over our planet......though I've seen some children who strangely resemble aliens trying to take over our planet. No, my super-heros are a little more 'normal' looking.  They are the quiet unsung heros who were just trying to survive and somehow did it marvelously.  And if I were to tell them that I have figured out their secret super hero identity, they would laugh it off and quickly list their personal faults.

They are the moms who managed to keep multiple children alive through the toddler tantrums and potty training years, and who are still smiling.

The friend who has four boys (3 running and climbing, and 1 baby), yet still manages to surprise me with flowers and chocolate for my birthday, and invite people over for supper.

The friend who welcomes and mothers four foster care children, pours out her life for them as if they had been hers since birth, and bravely raises them through the drama ridden preteen and teenage years.

The friend whose children receive complements from strangers at the zoo, because they treat the other children with such kindness.

The friend who tirelessly works to provide healthy food choices for her family, has has volunteered in the classroom/fieldtrips, and still has a heart for lifting the burdens of her neighbors.

The friend who graciously provides respite care for foster parents, dog sitting for people on vacation, and who is willing to help anyone out day or night.

The friend who raises a plethora of children, enough to fill her own sports team, yet her kiddos are know for their sweetness and obedience.

The friends who have spent years doing foster care or investing in area kids and teens through church ministry.

The friends who work full days, then come home and pick up a book, ball or start wrestling with their kiddos instead of picking up their phone or remote.

The friends who live with chronic or terminal illness/pain, yet still ask how you are doing.

They would all disagree, and probably point to someone else as the hero. But being a hero doesn't mean you have some supernatural ability to go through tough things without being affected. Rather it's continuing to choose what's best, even when it's hard. Simply put, it's putting one foot in front of the other to keep walking even when the way is stormy.

It's being faithful today.

Honestly, right now it's easy for me to feel overwhelmed by a number of situations. I feel too weary to keep walking (both figuratively and literally). But I'm trying to remember that I don't have to handle everything in front of me yet.  I just have to be faithful...today. 

One day, all of the today's we were faithful in will fulfill all of the tomorrow's  that overwhelmed us. 

Today, let's do two things.  First, look around and notice how many of your friends or coworkers are 'super-heros', and sent them a note/text to let them know you notice.   Finally, let's just put one foot in front of the other and be faithful in our current situation. For you never know when you may be someone's super-hero.

"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Mat. 6:34

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing"  

1 Thess. 5:11