What to do when you are aching for a dream.

Spring feels so far away, as I zip up my coat and pull on my hood to keep me warm from the February wind. Yet, it taunts me with patches of brown grass, lakes of melted snow under my van, and the feeling of warm sunshine. If it would actually help speed it up, I would plug my hair dryer into an extension cord and start melting each snow drift one by one. I desperately long to be warm and to not get stuck in snow drifts or slide on ice in my yard. I'm waiting for the day when I don't have to bundle up against the strong arctic wind.

What do you do when you are longing for a dream? Do you sit and idle the time away? Do you watch the clock and desperately mark off calendar days?  It may seem like nothing else matters if we can't have the dream. Everything else feels worthless without the one thing we are hoping for.  There are times to sit and let yourself be sad. We are only human, not superheros. But is there something we can do in the difficult waiting?

Instead of focusing on what you can't do, focus on what you can do. I can't plant my garden, build a fenced in yard for the dogs, or enjoy a deck now. But I can start seeds now so I can transplant them outside when it's warm enough. I can read gardening books or peruse seed catalogs and websites, to decide what I'm ordering for seeds vs. plants. (Side note: There's these blue potatoes I'm super excited to try this year!  And dragon carrots! That's a carrot even my kids get excited about. Dragons....who wouldn't get excited?) And I can work on our kitchen and school room projects. We'll obviously
need those rooms even when it's nice out, so I might as well finish them now while I'm waiting to be able to work outside.

Perhaps it's a friend or family member I can't spend time with now. I only see my brother and his family twice a year, but I can send video messages, social media messages, and texts to maintain frequent contact. I can make sure the time we do have together is intentional and special. I can also invest in near-by-friends who feel like family, the same as I would want others who live near my family to invest in them.

Sometimes it's easy to get consumed by what we can't have now, that we miss what we do have. (see my previous blog post for more explanation)  There are so many opportunities to love people and invest in them all around us. Sometimes I feel useless in this small child stage of life, and that people must think bad of me for not volunteering to help with a lot of group projects. Realistically, it's just not possible to visit sick people in hospitals, or visit older people in homes with lots of breakable things. I can't help much with projects, when I'm trying to keep toddlers from running off. But I can pray for people. I can bring meals or send cards. I can check on them to see how a big event went in their week.

Most importantly, I must make sure I am ready when that dream comes true. Imagine if the captain of the ship ordered the anchor raised, and the sails made ready to leave, but the crew hadn't packed their stuff or gathered provisions for the journey yet. In Matthew 25, Jesus tells the parable of the 10 virgins waiting for the bridegroom to come. They knew he was coming and they eagerly anticipated this 'dream' coming true. But only 5 made sure they were ready by purchasing extra oil for their lamps. The other 5 were caught unprepared, and missed the wedding feast. I want my ship to be prepped for sailing when my captain tells me to lift anchor.

What can we do to prepare ourselves, our surroundings, or others? Make a list today. If "_____" were to happen today, what would I need to have ready? Who do I need to talk to? What do I need to learn first?

The story is told of a mom who often gave jobs to her kids as they waited for supper to be cooked. The hungry, whining kids were given jobs of setting the table, putting away groceries, cleaning the kitchen etc. The idea was to 'be busy while you wait'.

Whether we are waiting for Jesus's return (how exciting that will be!), to see a family member or friend, an exciting trip/adventure, or simply spring to come.....there is much we can do. Let's 'be busy while we wait', and not be caught unprepared when our captain calls us to sail.

Grieving the loss of a dream

We can make the best plans, pray a lot, and do our part in following through on a dream. Yet, some dreams will not happen.....or at least not in the time frame we were hoping for. Lost dreams and plans stink. Some are gone forever...and some just require a longer wait time. We don't always know why it happened, or even the deeper reason of why God didn't make it happen. But we can trust that it wasn't a surprise to Him.

January didn't happen as expected, hence my long absence here. It was an exhausting month, from which we are recuperating. Within a matter of weeks, we had a blizzard (which required hours of digging/snow blowing), my brother's wedding (which we were all involved in), and a miscarriage at 11 weeks. Needless to say, some parts of life had to be put on hold so we had time to shovel, celebrate, and mourn. 

I (as most moms) always fear miscarrying a child, as the statistics are 1 in 4 women will experience one. And I never take my lovely healthy kiddos for granted. Indeed I have much to be grateful for in this situation.....though I still mourn the loss. I feel like a new member of a sad club of people whose heart will always be missing a piece. 

(my husband's work sent us a memorial candle)

What do you do when your dream is lost? When timelines come and go that would have been filled with meaning...but now lie empty? When others continue to celebrate their dreams and you sincerely rejoice with them.....yet feel an inner ache? 

Here's some thoughts for responding to lost dreams...whatever type they may be. 

1. Let yourself grieve.  

Don't keep it pent up inside. Sometimes all I needed was to post it on Instagram for it to be acknowledged as real, and then I could move on for the day. Sometimes.....you just need to eat dark chocolate (which has some serious health benefits, by the way!) Give yourself space, and breathing room in your schedule to just 'be'. 

2. Tell people. 

We are meant to live in community, with each person supporting the other. We each have our seasons of hardship and celebration, and we need each other to pull us through the one to anticipate the other. 

3. Be thankful.

In the midst of grieving what you had hoped for, don't forget what you already have. To cling too tightly to what you can't have, is in a sense, to negate the value of what you do have. Focus on the gifts you have received. 

4. Look forward.

A loss is not the end. It hurts like a gut punch, but it is not the end. There are second chances, new opportunities, and possibilities of this dream being fulfilled at a different time. There are also ways God wants to work in and through you in this tough season. He can use this to draw you to Himself, and help you pour blessing into others. 

At the funeral for a dear elderly member of our church who had fought long and hard with cancer, I overheard her daughter sharing about her dad.  She said they 'had plans'. After he took the time to grieve and go through his wife's possessions, he wasn't going to just stay in that moment. They had travel plans and adventures to live. I was impressed with their attitude. If anyone deserves to just sit in that grief, it's a spouse who's been married for decades. But he realized that his life wasn't over, though he had lost the one most dear to him.  To keep on "living" was also a way to honor his wife's wishes and legacy. 

If you are sitting with the loss of a dream, remember to let yourself grieve. Don't ignore it. Tell someone who can provide support. Be thankful for what you have been blessed with and look forward in anticipation for how God wants to work in your life. 

Sojourning with you, 

Felicia