Community: where we can all admit our fears out loud

"Thank you for telling me about the lies you that you tell yourself. Makes me feel less crazy because there's a lot of lies I often tell myself too", so went my text message to my dear friend last week. I knew she would understand, as we are to the point where we can really say how we feel about life. And...more importantly....offer truth to combat each other's inner voices of doubt and lies.

Community is a word that gets tossed around and can take on very different looks. Community means "a group of people living in the same place or having a particular characteristic in common" or "a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals" according to Google dictionary.  It can refer to the area you live in, an academic community, spiritual community, or friend group.

Lately, I have felt exhausted and a bit overwhelmed as my kiddos have taken their energy level up a notch and the baby has found the loud volume on her voice box, but she can't figure out how to turn it back down. ;-)  It is tricky to accomplish the house projects I'm trying to do while negotiating world peace between the siblings.  It has made me thankful for the community around me.

Community shares the load. This week we had our Farm Day as our book club culminating activity after reading Farmer Boy.  Thinking I needed to make a special trip to the store for potatoes for our relay race, I was pleasantly surprised to read that another mama had already picked some up. Then someone else volunteered to bring tortilla chips for my salsa to our ladies gathering that week. Feeling thankful for community, I mentally checked the store off my list and got to finish a much needed project instead.

Community shares in your "crazy".  All to often we believe the lie that we are the only crazy one. Until...we share with someone else and find out they have the same fears or struggles as us. A dear friend faithfully spends her lunch break coming to my house for lunch most weeks. I often tell her "Thanks for being part of our 'crazy'!   I feel like the dog is barking, kids crying, cat puking and I'm exhausted each time she visits. Yet, she doesn't judge my 'crazy', she merely takes a seat, entertains the baby, and we begin to chat about life. This same friend is a welcoming space for all of my crazy thoughts to land.  Why do I feel so safe sharing with her? Because she shares her story with me too. Community says "Hey, me too!" and welcomes us into the circle.

From Lisa-Jo Baker's new book The Middle Matters, she writes, "Hope hinges on the hands willing to grab on to us and pull us back out. This is the antidote to the loneliness of motherhood and the lie that we have failed. This willingness to give other mothers our true stories, especially the ones that don't always have happy endings."

Community rejects the lies you are believing.  One of the things I appreciate about my husband is his role as my sounding board. Spoken out loud, the words I've been repeating in my head don't sound as scary.  He hears the stories I've been listening to, and then helps me process if they are valid. Honestly, quite often my ideas are just "dumb" and not worth worrying about. Community speaks truth to your heart and helps you to sort out what to believe.

Community teaches each other. This week I was walking with a friend who doesn't yet have children. After I described my son's crazy morning antics, she asked me how we decide when and how to discipline.  As I described what we do (and added a disclaimer that it was a work in progress), I began thinking of the many conversations with friends, books read, podcasts listened to, and prayers answered that helped with the formation (an ongoing process) of what we do as parents. Community shares from experience and teaches what they have learned. The Out of the Ordinary podcast reminded me this week that we are "Blessed in order to be a blessing."

Community requires communication. Often when I'm at my breaking point, I hear the loving rebuke from my husband..."Why didn't you ask me to help?"  I don't like to bother him as he puts in a full load at his job, but quite simply there are not enough hours to care for the kiddos, clean the house and complete my projects. He is willing to help out but often assumes I have it taken care of unless I ask for help. Sharing the load, joining in your crazy, sorting out lies, and teaching each other all require communication and vulnerability.


Thank you for being part of my community. Thank you for reading the words that spill off this old laptop, whenever I can squeeze it into an afternoon nap time. I am thankful for you.

Sojourning together,
Felicia

Farmer Boy and Faith: two books that inspired me

I just finished reading two more books off my list: Farmer Boy by Laura Ingalls Wilder, and Faith by Chuck Smith. That makes 6 books done this year, but it doesn’t make my wish list of books to be read any smaller. Sigh…..  Though I’ve read more books this year so far than in years past, the stack by my chair keeps getting bigger, along with the stack upstairs, and my Amazon wish list…..while knowing that a dear friend from church also has a whole library with many books that are on my list.  If I could spend my days reading books, nature hiking, and gardening, while taking tea and pumpkin treat breaks that would be lovely!  But alas, real life beckons to me (it often sounds like the dryer buzzing or the toddler crying).  

My kiddos and I read Farmer Boy for our book club, and next week we are going to a farm to visit the goats and chickens! We also get to make butter, plant seeds, do a potato relay race, and book discussion. I’m just hoping it doesn’t rain! It’s been so wet here.

Reading this book makes me dream of a life that’s more in touch with our roots and where things come from. In Almanzo’s time, you couldn’t buy a big bag of nuts from Costco.  You had to go rake the forest, load the wagon, carry them to the barn, and then separate the nut meat from the leaves and shell. Now let me be clear, there are many things I’m quite fine with not doing. I’m OK with buying my clothes instead of raising the sheep, sheering the sheep, preparing the wool, dying the wool, making the material, and making the clothes. I’m also quite thankful for all my kitchen appliances and household machines that make bread making, cooking,  laundry, cleaning etc much faster.

But I really respect their work ethic, family teamwork, self-sufficiency, lack of entitlement, and the character traits that were instilled in the children’s lives.  Almanzo and his siblings learned early on, that only through hard work were you able to have something. They learned delayed gratification, planning for the future (gathering resources for winter), care for others, how money represents work/earned income, and the need to spend their resources wisely.  They lived for something more than their immediate happiness. These character qualities are seriously lacking in our culture and more people should take notes from their way of life.   I hope that through reading good books, and living life together, our littles will develop similar habits.

A group of us are reading Faith in preparation for our church Ladies Retreat this summer. We’ve owned this book for several years, but it had just been collecting dust in our collection. There’s nothing like group peer pressure to motivate your reading! I don’t know how to describe it other than that it examines faith from multiple viewpoints and gives many Biblical examples of people who lived by faith. It’s divided into three sections: The Nature of Faith (what it is), The Look of Faith (Biblical examples), and The Walk of Faith (how to live it out).

These are some of my favorite quotes:

“You must never measure any problem by your ability to handle it. You must measure it by God’s ability to handle it, for He is the One in whom you trust. God is able to do whatever He has promised to do.”

“Your concept of God is limited because you are limited.”

“They were living in the land of promise, but when they looked at the power of the enemy rather than at the power of God, fear gripped their hearts.”

“The Lord did not appear again to Abram until he entered the land of Canaan. His disobedience stalled the work of God in his life.”

“Stepping out in faith may seem like foolishness to a host of skeptical observers, but if God is the One who has inspired your step of faith and you obeyed, you too will find grace in the eyes of the Lord.”

“God keeps His Word. Always.”

So much truth! Very easy to read!  I definitely recommend it!  I’m still torn between highlighting in books or taking notes from books. With this one, I took notes and recorded my favorite parts in my notebook.

What have you been reading lately? Send me a message or let me know in the comments! Remember…..one page at a time.

Sojourning with you,

 Felicia

Book review and goals update

Happy May! With all this wet weather, it's hard to believe summer is just next month!

1. Read 12 books this year (honestly if I can make it to 10, I’ll consider it a win)

Update: I finished Cozy Minimalist Home, Peter Pan, and Sacred Holidays, and  Animal, Vegetable, Miracle 

I’m currently reading Farmer Boy by Laura Ingalls Wilder, Faith by Chuck Smith, The Life Giving Parent by Clay and Sally Clarkson, and Mother Culture by Karen Andreola.

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle is the story of one family's experiment to only eat food from their county for one year (with the exception of coffee, olive oil etc).  It definitely makes you think about the source of your food, the benefits of organic and small farm raised meat and produce, the problems with the typical American diet, and how money (rather than nutrition) often casts the final vote in the food industry. I liked how the authors emphasized community by gathering products raised by different people in their area and visiting the farmers market. I also appreciated how she encouraged the readers to start somewhere. Raising a tomato plant on your balcony is a step towards eating real food and knowing the quality of it. I don't plan to only eat food from my county (we love bananas too much), but it did add fuel to some of my dreams that are waiting for the right season to bloom. While the author clearly has a very different world view, and some parts I had to turn down real low so my kids wouldn't hear, I appreciated the information provided in the book and the authors' challenge to think about what we eat. 

2. Explore the alphabet with my preschooler: our “preschool” takes different forms through the seasons. 

Update: We've been doing more nature walks, and paying attention to the flowers, birds, ants, etc we find around us. We are trying to learn the names of the trees and flowers we see in our area. She has also been thinking about what sounds she hears in words, and is able to write her name, mama, and papa. 

3. Identify 5 plants/tracks: I think it would be amazing to be able to go on our nature hikes and …..gasp….name what I’m looking at. But, alas! I have no idea. So I ordered some books to give me some clues. 

Update: 

After our walk today, I looked up some of the trees and flowers we saw. The crocuses, hyacinths, tulips and blue bells are in bloom now. Pictured above are the crocuses from down the street. I guess I should change my goal from learning 5 to learning "all of them". :-)

Our forsythia has been beautiful this year!  It is the first plant to bloom each year so it's always a welcome ray of sunshine. 

Even in the woods, there are early spring flowers. These are called snow drops, and were pointed out by some mamas in our hiking group. I just love God's attention to detail, making beautiful flowers even in the woods where they are hardly seen by people.  

4. Get rid of 50 things: 

Update: We tossed 3 armloads in the trash and have two boxes full to donate. 

5. Learn to make more things from scratch.

Update: 

At the end of this month, we are doing a book party for Farmer Boy, and I've been preparing activities connected to the book. Yesterday, we attempted butter making by shaking heavy whipping cream in a small bottle for 6ish minutes.  It separates into buttermilk (which you pour off) and butter.  The little one was excited and ate most of it on her muffins. It didn't taste as good as store bought butter, but that was probably lack of salt, not rinsing enough butter milk out of it, temperature, etc. 

We also made cauli-mash which is a newish (within the last couple years) recipe.  Think of it as healthy mashed potatoes. :-) We used riced cauliflower, salt, pepper, oregano, garlic, onion, smoked paprika or bacon salt, and the most important part....cream cheese. I dump it all together in the food processor and let it do the magic.  

Not food related.....but I like using this recipe to make our laundry soap.  It's very cost effective and it makes a lot at one time.  

6. Prepare for secret project:  making progress

7. Blog/writing (I have ideas…but life seems to take all my time)

Update: At least I'm writing each week...mostly. It definitely is life giving to be able to write. 

8. Finish 2nd kids baby book and do the 3rd kid’s book: no updates....just wishful thinking.

9. Clean out freezer and use up pantry (you know all those unmarked surprise dishes you find in the back of your freezer? yah….)

Update: nothing exciting to write here.  

10. Do 10 projects with the little ones. 

Update: Do our daily walks count? We find many "treasures" along our route.

This week I listened to a podcast about our information overload, and our lack of response/action to what we hear/read. It was called the "information-action ratio".   How much information am I taking in from social media, the news, books, podcasts, etc vs what am I doing to act on it?   Often we allow so much input to come in that it overwhelms us to the point of doing nothing, it makes us numb to what we should be caring about, or we get frustrated trying to do everything we just learned/heard. The two main points were: 1. Be mindful of what input you choose and how much you take in. 2. Do something with your new information. Start small. Remember the way to big things is small steps!  

Often in thinking about goals we get overwhelmed and never start. Other people's projects seem so cool and far beyond anything we could do. But everyone starts somewhere. At the beginning of the year, my goal was learning 5 plants because I had to start somewhere with taking baby steps. But then I kept going and easily passed that goal. 

Just wanted to encourage you as you think about your goals for this year. It's hard not to feel overwhelmed by all that is left to do. Our focus needs to simply be on 'what's the next step?'. 

How about you? How are you doing with your goals for this year? What's your next baby step? 

Sojourning with you,

Felicia