When you have to forgive the violet thief

There are two treasures that you don't touch in our house. You don't touch Papa's board games and you don't touch Mama's plants, specifically my African Violets. I've been raising them for probably  over 15 years and I constantly marvel at their delicate flowers.

Most of mine are this deep purple color, but at least one is pink.  In the past, I've had some mostly white ones, with just a touch of pink in them. Currently, I'm raising babies from my own plants to transplant and gift to friends and family. Since most of my violets are purple, I'm especially fond of other bloom colors.  My favorite lately was my pink one in full bloom.

I say was...because forgiveness was needed last week. While a friend was visiting on Monday, I showed her this pink one in full bloom.  My daughter asked to see it, so after giving her a reminder of "Don't touch the flowers, only look"  (which is the reminder I give her with our tulips outside) I turned back to my friend for five minutes.  Yes, I'm sure you can guess what happened.

My heart was crushed and I didn't know how to process it. There's no way to predict when it will bloom again. And clearly, they can't be glued back on.All I kept thinking was how this week's Bible study lesson was on forgiveness. What timing!  As our lesson clearly stated, I knew out of the vast ocean of forgiveness I had received, that I must forgive her too. (And compared to marker on the wall or chopping off her hair, this wasn't so bad)

My struggle wasn't  in if I could forgive her, but how to help her understand the cost of that forgiveness.  Forgiveness costs the giver something.  God's forgiveness of me cost Jesus his life.  My forgiveness to others comes out of the great storehouse of forgiveness I have received from God.   It is the relinquishing of a debt.

As I layed her down for her nap, I sobbed.  My heart was crushed, and she needed to know that though I still loved her and forgave her, my heart was still sad over her actions.  There was still a cost to her actions.  At her age, she is only sorrowful that our friendship is broken.  She tries every technique she can think of to make us "be friends" again. "I still love you mama". "Mama, your heart changed?  You're happy again?" "I'm sorry mama".  She is sorrowful that we are not friends, but not repentant over her actions.  She can recite back her wrong doing, but I wonder how much of it her heart understands.

So much of parenting has given me a living picture of my relationship with God. How many times am I sorrowful that I disappointed Him, without grieving my sinful choices?  How many times do I say I'm sorry, but yet that action may happen again? How many times does He faithfully forgive me, though I don't fully grasp the true cost of that forgiveness?

Ahh, my dearest daughter, you and I have much to learn in this area of repentance and forgiveness. Together, we will learn to admit our wrongs, ask for forgiveness from the heart, and be deeply grateful when that cost is paid in the form of forgiveness.

We're in this together.


PS. Let me know in the comments if you have any tips on helping children understand apologies, admitting wrong, forgiveness, ect.